Trump Supporters Are Fucking Dorks
I grew up in Alabama. One thing that always struck me as odd was the level of enthusiasm for the University of Alabama football team. I like sports. I respect athletes and their ability. But I would never wear a polo shirt and paint my face for a bunch of 19 year olds who I’ve never met, nor would I murder my friend for not being upset enough about them losing a game I have no control over. Fandom is one thing, but being a complete geek is another. Like I personally am a lifelong fan of pro-wrestling. I even cried when Kofi Kingston won the WWE Championship at Wrestlemania 35. Why? Because it was a momented that resonated with me as a fan and yes, a wrestling geek. But there’s also that element of living vicariously through the object of your appreciation. I will probably never be a world champion wrestler. Kofi looks and talks like me and is an incredibly nice dude. When people watch Star Wars and get invested in the characters, it’s not because the story is good, (it’s not. None of them are.) It’s because they see themselves in the plucky sister-loving Luke Skywalker and want that kind of hero’s tale.
In Alabama, people look at a team with a winning record that shares the name of the state they live in and no matter what is happening in their life, if they put on that “Roll Tide” shirt, they personally feel like a winner. Unless they lose, in which case they poison a tree.
I say this to say I understand the biggest group of fucking dorks we’ve seen in modern history — Trump supporters. There is not another grown man who would ever whip me into such a frenzy to where I will wear a hat, shirt, and flag with his name and logo on it. That’s weird. If a kid came into your school wearing a tucked in t-shirt and jeans with Skeet Ulrich designs all over them, you wouldn’t be like, “wow, that kid fucks!” you would definitely have some concerns over why he keeps yelling, “mmm…corn syrup.” at the teachers when he disagrees with something. Like there’s no way you see celebrities like James Wood and Dean Cain be on the same side as you and be super jazzed that THOSE are your guys. Colby Covington got a phone call from Trump after his UFC bout and hearing him talk makes you realize his brain is made of whole milk. And it’s cause those guys are fucking dorks.
But the reason I say I understand is because for about three decades, Donald Trump has been at the zeitgeist of American pop culture as an eccentric millionaire. He was featured in a movie called Celebrity, he hosted Celebrity Apprentice, and somehow his supporters are convinced that celebrities have no place speaking in politics. Dude trashes SNL like he hasn’t hosted it twice. But you’ve seen him on TV talking about business in ways that can warp it down to a reality gameshow. You’ve seen his name on buildings and he golfs a lot! That’s the sport of boring rich dudes! So you think Trump = success therefore supporting him = your own success. But let’s face it. That’s not true. You’re hoping to sit at the cool kids’ table with a 74 year old man. And you’ll probably say, “well what about YOUR guy?!” I don’t have a guy. There’s a guy I’m voting for. I don’t live and die by the idea of winning and losing. Because I’m an adult. And that’s where we are as a two-party political system. We think that loyalty means we can’t criticize. For the Left, they do it almost to a fault. Seriously, if everyone had their way, the Democratic candidate would be a talking golden retriever. Nobody is good enough for us as if we don’t spend most of our nightmare lives waiting between Twitter likes. But now YOU guys have started doing it too! I’ve seen so many, “people yelled at me for wearing my hat” posts and it’s like, well then take it off. You can take off your hat. I can’t take off my skin. That’s the difference between privilege and discrimination. And listen here, Trevor; using mild past traumas for online support is OUR world, you’re just a visitor.
You should want the best out of your presidential candidate. You should want someone who can make you feel at ease about life, not about being able to “speak freely.” To truly make America great, we shouldn’t be burying our history, but shining a light to it and examining how we can change it to defeat repetition. Throwing everything into chaos is the greater divide and deep down, you know it. If a president is unable to disavow white supremacy by saying, “I disavow white supremacy” then chances are, he doesn’t want to disavow white supremacy. “Sure” is not enough. “Proud Boys stand by” is the exact opposite of disavowing. And to analyze the Proud Boys and other supremacist groups, instead of trying to defend how they’re not a supremacist organization, maybe look into why so many people feel that they are. But for some, the easier route would be to wear the same hat as the not-white-supremacists-supremacists and say, “never heard of ‘em.” But that’s what dorks do. Being a dork is turning a blind eye to the lies, the corruption, the history of bigotry because you don’t want to be wrong about how much of a fucking dork you are for that one guy. After all, you invested in a bumper sticker and giant flag to put on the side of your house so people can gawk and say, “oh look, a fucking dork lives there.”
In saying all this, some of you fucking dorks are going to still think however you want. Some of you probably didn’t even finish this entire piece because somehow an op-ed Medium piece is “fake news”. But if you did get to the end without being pissed off by the title and brutal honesty throughout, remember that you are supporting the guy who is in office now. That’s the guy who downplayed the virus he later tested positive for. That’s the guy who mocked addiction. That’s the guy who has habitually made fun of women. Who was friends with Jeffrey Epstein. Who lies and lies and lies. Who former grand wizard for the KKK, David Duke endorsed. That’s who and what you accept as your favorite. Because complacency has defeated reasoning. You would rather look right than be right. And that is what makes you a fucking dork. You have the power to change. You have the power of critical thinking. But admitting defeat is for losers and for some, punishable by death. But just remember, like those same 19 year-olds out there on the gridiron, Trump is just looking and hoping to see he and his friends make more money. You can cheer from the stands but once the game is over, you’ll just be wondering when you will feel great again.
Martin Mandela Morrow is a comedian, writer, and actor living in Los Angeles, CA. If you enjoyed this, please follow him on all socials at @martinMmorrow and if you REALLY enjoyed it, his Venmo is Martin-Morrow.